Things that I enjoy...

I was very inspired by my wife's blog. (www.mcmullin411.blogspot.com) She is a very talented writer and does a good job of communicating what she is thinking. Reading her post about her "Favorite Things" made me remember a Thanksgiving holiday several years ago. Sarah and I were newlyweds and trying to find our way in this world. We were living in our first apartment, a small 2 bedroom deal. Our furniture was stuff we pulled out of someone's dumpster and Sarah was still learning how to cook. We were living month to month on student loans and our jobs. At the time it was not a whole lot of fun but in retrospect that was priceless. I am sure that many readers have been in similar circumstances. We decided to play the "Thankful Game" where we took turns naming all of the things that we were thankful for. It began as the usual things and gradually degenerated into silliness.

Being here in Afghanistan has made me reconsider the "Grateful Game" to an even greater degree. I have been in Bagram for the past week. During this time, I grew so tired of listening to the soldiers, and airmen (mostly the airmen) complaining about their hard lot in life. Having to be deployed to Bagram. Their complaints ranged from the food, the showers, the dormitories, the weather, the gyms, the crowding, the noise, having to work to long, you name it, they complained about it. It was in stark contrast to being down in Delaram with the Marines. Now you have to understand that there is nobody who embraces suffering and pain more so than the Marines. It is amazing how egocentric we become and see our own lives as such challenges that we forget about the challenges that others face on a daily basis, without the hope of some better future.

I am afraid that I will have little patience for people who complain about the unfairness of life in America. About how they are owed money, or a job, or health care or any other entitlement from the government. Just by virtue of being born in the United States of America they have more opportunity than 95% of the rest of the world. Even with social hardships, family challenges and poverty. There are few people who have the same level of poverty as a middle class afghani. How do we take for granted these opportunities? Or how do we as a people squander them?

I was intrigued by an article in the Boston Globe about surgeons from the great ivory towers of medicine that are going to Haiti to help with the medical efforts. They describe these high and mighty department chiefs and chairmen, working in a tent, having limited supplies and having to make life and death decisions. Operating with malfunctioning equipment and poor conditions, as if it is some grand sacrifice for them to not have a MRI or CT scanner. In my mind I can't help but think of the hundreds of surgeons who have been doing this for the past 9 years in remote areas of Iraq and Afghanistan.

So here goes with my list:

1) I have to say my family. You never know what you have until you loose it. Deployment has taught me that the most valuable things in my life are my wife and kids.

2) I love the way Sarah smiles at me. It is so full of love, passion and joy. Just to see her smile brings a sense of calm in me. Without words, it tells me that she loves me, supports me and will walk with me to the end of the world and beyond.

3) Sydney... My love affair with Syd started on the day she was born. When I held her I was taken and captured by her eyes and charm.

4) Ainsley... Ainsley is like looking into a mirror and seeing what I enjoy most about life. She has a future that has no ceiling, with her desire and passion.

5) Zachary, he is my little man. Parents life their lives through their children and yes I think I am just as guilty. He has such a kind and gentle heart.

6) Audrey, she is my little panda bear. Enough said.

7) I love to go duck hunting. I love sitting in a blind watching Jack (my dog) play in the water. I love the sound of wings, whooshing overhead and the adrenaline rush and anticipation. I love the cold mornings and sunrises, clouded by thousands of geese launching into the air creating a roar that can be heard for miles.

8) I love Texas A&M and Aggie football. It gives me something completely visceral to be passionate about. Where I can yell as loud as I want and no one cares. I also like kissing my date at the games, and the more kissing, the better the outcome of the game!

9) I love operating. There are few other relationships as sacred as the relationship between a patient and the surgeon. In my mind, the human body is the ultimate testament to the glory and craftsmanship of God. It makes me shrink in awe to be able to explore the body an learn it's inner workings.

10) I love St Arnold's Rootbeer. I have never drank an alcoholic beverage in my life. St Arnold's rootbeer is just wonderful and even better when the factor sends me 2 cases to share with my team. Right now I am looking at the bottle I saved to drink on my last night here at Shank.

11) I love my sister's music.

12) I love weight lifting. It makes me feel strong and powerful.

13) I love running, after I am done running. While I am running I hate it and want it to stop. But after I am done, I love the way I feel. It is this thought that pushes me through the hate.

14) I love watching little kids open Christmas presents. The anticipation fills the air with electricity and energy. It makes me feel young.

15) I love the feeling from lifting up in the air while in a helicopter. This first time I rode in a helicopter was coming from Bagram to Shank and it was amazing.

16) I love ice cream with big chunks of brownie, cookie, cake or anything else. This is my great, and tragic weakness.

17) I love attending my wife's sunday school classes. She puts so much effort and energy into teaching you can feel her love of the subject.

18) I have learned to love and appreciate: In door plumbing, hot showers, good food, food with taste, the touch of another human, beautiful desert sunsets, cold desert nights and the stars. I cannot express how much I love living in a planetarium. Here I can see the Milky Way Galaxy extend from one horizon to another with more stars than I ever could have imagined to exist.

Christmas... New Years.. and then some

10 January 2010

Christmas was a pretty uneventful day. It felt a lot like being on my mission where the holiday is what I make of it. I read the nativity in the Bible and Book of Mormon on Christmas eve, slept in Christmas morning (hopefully it will be the last time I get to do that for a long time.) It was hard to fight off the feeling that it was the same day as any other here in Afghanistan. I can it the “Monday Phenomenon”. That is where every day feels like Monday and each day is little more than an arbitrary title granted to a defined 24 hours of time.

I was able to talk with my family on the phone on their Christmas morning. My favorite 45 seconds of the year is that magical time when little kids come screaming down the stairs and see what Santa Claus has left for them. To see their eyes light up and have their faith once again confirmed that there is something greater out there that recognizes their sacrifices of bad behavior for a glimmer of hope of toys and joy. It was so fun to hear Audrey squeal with delight and Zachary proclaim the coolness of his toys. I think Sydney is getting to the age of reason and Ainsley is approaching that point as well. It was fun to hear each of them. It is almost a sacrifice to hear and experience this afar. Sometimes it is easier just to insulate yourself against the heartache of being so far away and bury your head in the “Monday Phenomenon”. On the other hand you can open up a bit and join in and experience what you can, for a price. The best part came the next evening when my kids and Sarah were in College Station with my parents and I was able to see them on the internet. I loved watching them open their presents.

This year, I bought Sydney a pair of diamond earrings. She has been too scared to get her ears pierced. Sydney is an absolutely amazing little girl. She has an inner (and outer) beauty and cannot be described. It brings tears to my eyes to consider the thought that she is more than half way done with me as her father. In the next decade she will leave home, possibly find another man to replace me and carry on with her life. I will never, ever in all eternity forget holding her for the first time when she was born. Her little eyes so wide open, and me falling so deeply in love with this little one. I promised her that I would never, ever leave her or hurt her. I can only feel just by virtue of our own existence, that she could only promise to one day leave me.

New Year’s Day was pretty busy around here in Delaram. When I had arrived here they had seen a total of about 70 trauma patients over the span of several months. Over New Years, we saw about 18 patients. This was a pretty significant surge for the team here.

One of the patients illustrates, in my opinion one of the reasons why we are here, and the difference between us and the Taliban. He was riding a motorcycle away from a spot where and IED had just gone off. He was then shot off of the motorcycle by one of our snipers. A great shot by all accounts. Upon arrival to us he was billed as an Enemy Prisoner of War. He was dying when he arrived. We quickly got him to the operating room where we explored his abdomen, stopped the bleeding and got him warmed and resuscitated. He was promptly evacuated out to a higher level of care. He was given a large amount of blood and products, enough that some questioned whether or not we should be expending such resources on an enemy. Our response was that we treat everyone the same, especially the prisoners.

Several days later, we come to find out that he was merely in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was actually the son of one of the local village elders, who was pretty upset at his son being shot by the American’s and being an accused Taliban. We smoothed things over and his family was brought to the FST where they were introduced to the team that saved their son’s life. They were profoundly grateful and the fact that we saved their son, made all the difference. This is why we do what we do.

Being a medical professional in a war zone is quite an amazing experience. I say medical professional because this experience is not unique to surgeons. We are only as good as the team around us. Medics (in the field and at our FST), CRNA’s, OR techs, and admin guys included. If one of these links is weak, the whole chain will fail, and people will die. I have told my guys many times, that they need to be proud of what they are doing. When they fill out their soldier evaluations, they can put “Today I saved someone’s life”, and when people look at that they will reply, “Oh good, they did their job.” People will not understand what they did here, only them. On a deeper level, we are the answers to the prayers of thousands of people. When mothers, fathers, sons and daughters go to bed at night and ask for God to protect their Daddy or Mommy and to bring their Daddy or Mommy home alive; God doesn’t send angels with wings and trumpets, he sends an 18 year old medic with a tourniquet and airway. He sends a surgeon with a #10 scalpel and silk ligature. He sends a CRNA with a rapid blood transfusion machine and a whole stack of blood. We function as the angels and the answers to their prayers. I take great pride in that.

The past couple of weeks in Delaram have been really good. I have learned to appreciate our team at Shank, and I have seen things that I wish we had at Shank. I am going to include some photos of Deleram. This first is the gym. Wow! The gym… What to say about the gym. It is so ghetto that you will be able to lift at least one more set, just because it is so ghetto. When it rains, it turns into a mudpit, when it isn’t raining it is dusty and hot. This FOB is tucked right next to a village, which is run by the Taliban. They really, really, don’t like us there. Surprisingly, they don’t get much indirect fire here. There is a pretty decent running track with some rocks and a couple nice hills. The track goes around the garbage burn pit. That makes for good pulmonary function. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate running.

Picture 1 is the gym. Enough said. No words needed.

Picture 2 is a nice picture drawn by an astute young artist named Victor. Let’s just say that Victor “gets it”. Funniest card I ever received. Notice the army guy with some huge gun. I laughed for about 10 minutes looking at this one.

Picture 3 is of one of many fly traps we put up all over the place in Delaram. Yes it is covered with flies and this is after about 3 days up.

pics for the last post

For some reason it didn't publish my pictures for the last post. Here they are! More to follow.

Delaram...

23 December 2009

Another leg of my journey here in Afghanistan has begun. I am finally here at FOB Delaram, which is actually a Marine base. I am far away from Shank on the other side of the country. This FOB is in the Farrah province right next to Helmand. This place is much smaller than Shank but is actually pretty comfortable. Apparently it wasn’t always this way. When the FST I am working with arrived here they had no showers, small mess hall, and port-a-potties. The topography is much different, there are some mountains around here, large on a Texas scale but diminutive compared to those out and around Shank. It is very flat and very much a desert here. The trip here wasn’t too bad, I was delayed coming out of a place called Bastion, which is a huge, sprawling military camp. I stayed in a huge circus tent that was packed to the rafters with soldiers. That was a pretty cold and miserable night, but nothing a couple of ambien couldn’t handle.

Here is the run down on the pictures posted:

The first one is looking out of the back of a Chinook helicopter on my way to Bagram from Shank. This was the first leg of my long trip to Delaram. The Chinook was actually a pretty good ride compared to the Marine CH-53. That helicopter leaked hydraulic fluid the entire flight. According to those who have ridden them before, that is a good sign and that it is when they are not leaking that you have to worry!

Second picture is me, Specialist Brandt Bennett and Staff Sergeant Samuel Chiu. We took this picture at the small weapons range on the day it snowed real hard. I impressed them by shooting their M4 carbine at 25 meters and putting a group of 3 shot all inside the spade on a ace of spades playing card. I felt pretty cool.

The third picture is of a sunset over the airfield at Bastion.

This time of year, Christmas, we get lots of letters from people back in the US. There was one letter that particularly struck me and I wanted to share it with you:

Dear Military Hero,

Thank you for protecting our country. Even though in times of distress came you still didn’t give up on our country. And thanks for not backing down on our country. And I hope you are ok. Anyways tomorrow is a new day and I hope when this war is over that America (US) has won the war and that whoever is reading this will be ok. So please don’t give up on us. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Makaih

I found this letter particularly touching and intriguing. First of all, typing doesn’t do justice to the backwards “y’s” and misspelled words. I honestly felt the gratitude of this child in the letter. It is nice to have someone back there in the US, asking me to not give up and to push on when it gets hard.

Christmas is also coming soon! This is my second Christmas in a row being away from home. Last Christmas I was on call at the hospital. Santa Claus came to the hospital and left Christmas presents for the kids in my office. That was very sweet of Santa to be so considerate of them and me! I wore a Santa Claus suit to round on my patients. It was actually a pretty fun day, though I was away from my family.

This year, it is even more bitter sweet. Not only am I away from my own family, but I am away from my unit, my military family. Every week we get a devotional email from the military district leaders up in Kabul. This week there was a special devotional from Elder Paul B. Pieper of the Seventy. This was a special message to all of the military servicemen in the Middle East.

He points out that we who are reading his message are far away from home and all of things that we associate with Christmas, family, shopping, trees, parties, choirs and being with loved ones. Instead we are in harms way, on lonesome mountainsides and desert valleys surrounded by those who wish us harm. We are living in tents and temporary housing. He draws the parallel to Christ when he was born:
- far from home (his father in Heaven’s home)
- born in a manger (temporary housing)
- hostile environment
- spending his time in a foreign land, far from home
Christ has experienced all suffering and pain, so that he can know how to help us. How many times had the Savior longed to return to His father, to His father’s presence? I can think of at least one, suffering in Gethsemane and on the cross when the Father withdrew his Spirit from him. How the Savior must have longed to have that with him again?

By this Christ knows how to help the sinner, fallen from the presence of the Father and from the Holy Ghost. He knows how I feel being away from my little ones and my wife. I know that I can rely upon him to buoy me up and strengthen me.

This Christmas will be one that I will remember for the rest of my life. I do not want to waste it, wallowing in my own self-pity, but using it as a chance to draw closer to my Savior and be a stronger servant for it.

This morning I watched “Joy to the World” and that put me in a good mood and correct mindset. I read the account of Samuel the Lamanite as he prophesied of the coming of Christ. I was struck by how it must have been to see the Savior of the universe and of all of God’s creations as a small little baby, just like Sydney, Ainsley, Zachary and Audrey, tiny, soft, defenseless, and pure.

There is no serviceman’s group here in Delaram. I don’t even know if there are other LDS servicemen here. I miss my guys back at Shank. I miss my family, especially this time of the year